A phenomenological investigation into the psychological transformation interpreted as 'Spiritual Awakening' : possible causes, characteristics, and after-effects

Abstract

Appendix 4: Transcripts of Interviews with Participants Interview Transcript -Pl Q: Was there a particular point at which you underwent transformation?Yes, it happened after a terrible breakup with my last girlfriend, and I was for the first time in my life thinking of giving up fighting for getting better from my deep depression.It was a sudden, and in fact brutal transformation induced in a sort of therapy session.Before this I was a mentally almost totally broken person with a history of seven years of very bad psychological health, doomed by the doctors and psychotherapists to a life on medicals for depressions and no work at all for the rest of my life~ 43 years old.My life has been nothing but a great mystical adventure since the transformation, and every day is a blessing.All kind of negative feelings have almost totally disappeared and I'm afraid of nothing.I'm sure that you understand that the journey has not been totally straight forward and easy all the time, there has been a lot of reactions from the persons around me, and the initial period (six to seven months) of total bliss in a 'nirvana state' was very difficult for me as well for the people around me.The things that happened to me in this first period (six to seven months) was in many ways extreme both physical and psychological, and even after that, when it declined a bit, strange things continued to happen and still do.At first it was things like no hunger (lost about 18 kg in 21 days), no sweating, a feeling that the time stood almost still and that I was immortal.I danced alone for hours without music, music and art appeared as made by angels.I felt almost no cold or heat, I understood everything that happened and had happened to me and others (sometimes even before it happened), experienced extreme flow Isynchronicity and many, many other things that you only can see in sci-fi-and/or horror movies.Another very important thing that happened was that I was forced to face all dark sides in me (and 'in all other human beings), and to integrate this to a point where I could see both God and the Devil in me, knowing that it is up to me to choose side.Since this moment I understand that good and evil is two sides of the same coin.From then nothing that is related 1IIIIimrlUfiiillll 3 1111 01424 3222 206 to what people think or do surprises me or scares me.I can almost feel other people's bad feelings, and always with great compassion.Today all this has declined a bit, and I don't think that is so strange or scaring any more.I have now developed a deep integrated understanding for the things that have happened, and I don't talk about what has happened to people who don't ask for help or advice.I have learned by the years that other people normally can't understand what I have experienced, and that you never should give advice to people who don't ask for it.If you do you interfere with the natural flow and the predetermined evolutionary process.Q: Did you have any interest in spirituality or self-development when you were younger?No, not at all.I was almost an agnostic and I thought that everything in my life had to be decided by others and it was nothing I could do about that.Q: How has your attitude to life changed since the experience?Totally, since the transformation I control almost everything in my life by my choices.I am almost fearless but not careless and I have a very strong self-reliability.Q: Has your attitude to material things changed?Very much.I don't want or need material things anymore, even though I can enjoy buying some technical and practical things from time to time, but just because I can easily afford it, not for getting 'satisfaction' as before.Today I'm working more than ever, in fact I have three jobs and a very good income (that I don't want or need any more).Q: Do you feel there is any difference in your relationships with other people?Yes, today I can easily establish strong and intense relationships with other people, but I only do that with people that I choose.Q: Are you happy to do nothing?Extremely.I'm deeply in love with all human beings in the universe and love to be with other people, but even more I love to be totally alone with myself, doing absolutely nothing, and the most fantastic thing is that it can be anywhere in the world and in all kind of situations.Q: Do you have a strong sense of empathy and compassion?Absolutely, I have learnt to open my heart just by thinking that I am doing that, and then my heart aches in empathy and compassion for all living things, and it's a lovely feeling and in fact not sad at all, just pure love and strong feeling that love conquers all.Q: Do you feel a sense of connection?Yes, I have a strong feeling of understanding for the things people think, feel and do, and that I am directly connected to everything else in the universe, in oneness.Q: How would you identify yourself?e.g. as a ChristianlPagan/Buddhist, an AmericanlBritish person etc.Or do you identify with the whole human race?Mostly I identify myself to the whole human race, but Buddhism also attracts me in some ways.Q: Do you still experience 'thought-chatter'?Does your mind still fill up with random thoughts when it isn't occupied?No, never.My mind is calm in all situations even though I sometimes can find myself thinking without being aware of it, but it immediately stops when I become aware of it.I can also totally empty my mind just by thinking that I want to do that, and it's the same with many other feelings like love, sex, anger, hunger, cold etc.I can control these feelings in a high degree by mentally 'switching' them on and off, and they almost never affect me in a unwanted way besides when I'm exhausted or very drunk.208 Unfortunately between and the 2 and 3 rd incident I was diagnosed with cancer.i didn't have any kind of psychic or spiritual happening when I went through my diagnoses and treatment but I felt very accepting of my illness and very very grateful to be alive.The feeling that I believed in something bigger helped me get through.The third spiritual experience happened this year -February 2011.The same older sister fell seriously ill again and I was rushing back and forth to hospital, I couldn't cope in the way I had in the past because I get tired a lot more now because of my cancer treatment.I felt that same very intense pattern like the previous two occasions; suddenly I felt very connected to something strong and beautiful and spiritual.The experience was fast and relentless -words popping into my head, guidance, synchronicity, serenity, a powerful connected feeling that all is one.Overall, the experience was full of grace and powerful, peaceful and beautiful but also very tiring!The difference on the third occasion was that I realised it was the same pattern and I thought 'I've got to write it down.'I wrote down whatever was coming into my head I filled up notebooks -I hardly slept.After two or three weeks it came to a stop.So now I'm at the stage where I'm just about to start a new job.I've got my notebooks and I've started to work through them.I want to try to make sense of them.It's a kind of neverending story -a spiritual signpost.It no longer feels right to pursue a job where I cannot include my beliefs regarding healing, spiritual evolvement etc to the greater good.I left my last job as a P A to a Professor at Christmas so I could have some time-out before finding a part-time job.Everything that happens has a meaning to it.There's a link to something else.Nothing happens in isolation.It's very beautiful but also a big thing to try to understand.I don't have the right words to try to explain the enormity of it.I believe that a lot of people who have mental problems, are going through spiritual awakenings.They have no education or framework of reference so they end up feeling freaked out.212 Q: Did you have any interest in spirituality or self-development when you were younger?Only insofar we came from a very strict Greek-Cypriot upbringing so religion was very strict, but not spirituality.But I was also interested in the meaning of life I was also reading popular psychological and self development but the spirituality side didn't kick in until the first experience.Q: How has your attitude to life changed since the experience?There's a great sense of awareness and calmness, a greater feeling of the spiritual.Q: Has your attitude to material things changed?Yes, although I was never a materialistic person but I feel that less is more, it's a minimalistic thing.Before I would have worried more about not having money and not having a job.But now I don't worry.I have real faith that the universe will put me in the right place.Q: Do you feel there is any difference in your relationships with other people?Yes, I do.I feel that I try much harder to step back and almost watch myself when I'm with other people, a detachment but not in an uncaring way.I used to want to help other people, but now I have a better understanding that we're each on our path and sometimes one's worries and illness are part of the path and it's not up to me to interfere.I was always patient but now I'm far more tolerant.I've always felt that you shouldn't judge people.I'm very conscious of that.I'm more careful of what I say to and do. Q: Are you happy to do nothing?Oh yes.There's a gratitude in just being well enough and alive to stare out of the window and look at a tree.It's lovely.I never feel bored.213 Q: Do you have a strong sense of empathy and compassion?Yes very much so.Q: Do you feel a sense of connection?When I was going though the experience I felt it very strongly, very intensely.Now I know it's there and once in a while I can feel it.I feel very connected to nature, and with animals.I feel a very strong spiritual connection when I'm with people who I care about.Q: How would you identify yourself!e.g. as a ChristianlPagan/Buddhist, an AmericanlBritish person etc.Or do you identify with the whole human r